Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Trying to be a PATIENT patient

I'm finding the start to this new year a real struggle.

For me, traditionally the new year has always been a time to have a lovely summer holiday, and then start afresh and plan for the year ahead....

But, I'm stuck in limbo, and I can't do anything like that at the moment, and it's throwing my inner control freak self totally out of kilter. I'm sick of scheduling appointments, making sure I have all my prescriptions up to date, counting how many oxygen bottles are left, and working around the routine of nebuliser treatment three times a day.

Each night I go to bed, wondering whether the phone is going to ring, and hoping that I go to sleep. I work hard on trying to make sure that the horrible knot of anxiety doesn't linger for too long.

There's nothing I would like more, than to pretend that I've just been having a summer holiday, and get up tomorrow and be able to go back to my old full time job. I loved the routine. I really liked the people I worked with.... and of course I always loved payday.

I've learned a lot of patience from having to deal with this for the last 22 years, but waiting for a transplant requires a WHOLE lot more.


Fiona said...

Fingers crossed that call comes soon, Cam. Not sure I could deal with the waiting around as well as you seem to have done. Sending you positive thoughts (I'm no good at patience, so can't send you any of that!).

Megan said...

I hear you! On every level! Although, I am lucky enough to not to have to have dealt with this for the last 22 years. This is my first summer of being Stuck. I would have started back at work on Monday and I miss it and I Really Miss pay day.

And keeping prescriptions stocked up really sucks. I am not an organised person!

But this isn't a spot for me to whinge, this is your whinge. And you have every right to whinge!! Waiting would have to be the hardest part of the whole thing. You must be so ready to start life with a whole new set of lungs that do their job properly. Sending you lots of peaceful vibes for getting to sleep easily with. x

Jennifer Rose Phillip said...

the waiting and not being able to travel would drive me insane o.0

really hoping that call comes soon for you!

teddybearswednesday said...

OH Cam it must be so hard. After having been so patient for 22 years, and then a whole new level of patience required.
I hope the phone rings today or tomorrow, and at least you have something that lets you know where you are in and where to go from here . Big love xo

Sally said...

Yes. I really thought you'd have had another phone call by now... with the summer holidays just passing and all. I'm always a little disappointed (in a good way) when I see your tweets because then I know you haven't had the call and you're not in the hospital.
I am hoping so much for you that the call will come soon and this limbo will end. I hope and I hope.

Michelle said...

It sounds like you need a holiday from your daily grind. Can you take off for the weekend, somewhere close by but where you don't have to think about too much?

Hoping you get the call very soon!

PS Beautiful photo.